


when there's no one to hold you.

by grouplovehoodie



Series: down with me. [2]
Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dissociation, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Mutual Pining, Platonic Cuddling, Touch-Starved, Touring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 14:37:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19253191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grouplovehoodie/pseuds/grouplovehoodie
Summary: this one is for piss. we were discussing the need of touch-starved boys on tour, and more tour fic in general. so here you go, bud.don't be a freak and send this to cody and/or noel. this is for my own pleasure; it's just characters stylized after them. thanks in advance, and enjoy.





	when there's no one to hold you.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tonsilfoodcourt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonsilfoodcourt/gifts).



> this one is for piss. we were discussing the need of touch-starved boys on tour, and more tour fic in general. so here you go, bud. 
> 
> don't be a freak and send this to cody and/or noel. this is for my own pleasure; it's just characters stylized after them. thanks in advance, and enjoy.

"Dude, are you okay?"

It's becoming a common occurrence for Cody to ask Noel that question, especially when they're stuck on the tour bus in the middle of the night. Tonight, it comes while Noel is nursing half of a lukewarm beer that he can barely choke down, feet tucked beneath himself on the small couch in the back of the bus while he stares openly and emptily outside the window. The blinds are half open, just enough for Noel to catch the reflection of the dimmed lights in the window as cars, few and far between, race around the sides of the bus in an attempt to get further along the highway. 

Noel had hardly blinked when Cody had entered the small, makeshift room and didn't even tip his head to his friend when he was spoken to. His mind was elsewhere and nowhere all at once; where he could be thinking of new video ideas, texting Aleena, or spending his time trying to unpack whatever bubbling feelings-- _feelings?_ \--for Cody that were building up inside of him, he was instead focusing on nothing. It was a nice break, he figured, as he spent all day thinking anyways.

He and Cody would run through the show at soundcheck and then do the show which required a lot of attention--sure, at some point it became muscle memory, but that didn't mean he wouldn't miss certain tags if he wasn't on his toes the entire time. VIP required a whole other type of attention to detail, trying to remember faces of Patreoners and people who showed up in his stream, keeping on top of inside jokes from vlogs and podcasts. It's a lot and Noel hasn't had a lot of time to unpack all of it. 

Eyes glazed over and silent, Noel hardly notices when Cody takes a seat next to him on the couch, voice far away in Noel's head as he says, "Dude, seriously, you good?" He blinks once, twice before he finally acknowledges Cody--it takes a moment to take in his friend's messy hair, the way his glasses sit on his face comfortably even if they do invert his face a bit behind the glass, the concerned expression sitting on his features... Why is he concerned? 

Noel remembers the beer he's holding, much warmer than when he had opened it, and he clears his throat before he takes a swig. "Hey, man," He finally murmurs, turning his body a bit to relax into the cushion behind him. He feels small and out of place, feels like there's something standing between him and his own mind but he can't bridge that gap no matter how hard he tries. "'sup?"

Cody's mouth twists as he takes in the vision of Noel, noticing the way that his friend sits with his body open toward Cody but otherwise closed off. He looks uncomfortable, sitting on his own in the back of the bus. Noel is usually up front, sitting with the rest of the guys and taking part in the fun that is being on a tour bus with four other dudes but tonight is much different. It's not like he hasn't noticed Noel has been off for the past few days--Cody remembers his attempt at gay chicken, running his hand across Noel's lower back as he passed him in the venue the other day and the noise Noel made in response. It wasn't a moan, but more of a noise of need. He tried to push it down, ignored it even as Noel's eyes followed him in apology and Cody just shrugged as if he hadn't noticed. He remembers wrapping an arm around Noel for one of Eden's pictures and the way Noel settled into him easily, practically tucking his head into Cody's shoulder even for the brief moment. 

"I'm kind of worried about you, homie," Cody laughs lifelessly, staring at Noel with concern obvious across his face, "You've been kind of... Off for the past few days." 

Noel hums, shrugging his shoulders a bit before he averts his eyes away from Cody's face. "I'm fine, man, really," He says, and Cody's never heard anything less convincing in his life, "Just having a hard couple of days." 

"Anxiety?" Knowing Noel's history with anxiety, it wouldn't be surprising if he'd been dealing with another flareup. As extroverted as he seems on stage and around fans, Cody knows better than anyone--maybe aside from Aleena and a few of Noel's longer term friends--that he needs time to recoup, time that they aren't really afforded on tour. It's a constant of _go go go_ , and Cody feels it, too. 

Noel makes a non-committal noise at the question, taking another languid sip of the beer before he sets it on the floor near their feet. Cody hopes they don't hit any sort of bumps soon, he knows Noel hasn't drank much and he wouldn't look forward to having to clean up the sticky mess that it'd leave later. Cody clears his throat, "Not really an answer, man. Do you need to talk?" 

"'s stupid," Noel murmurs as he leans back further into the cushions, arms crossing over his chest tightly as he stares into the abyss that is the chipped beige wall of the back room. "Just--a few more days and Aleena'll be here and it'll be fine." Cody knows that Noel holds Aleena's visits close, he might not be as sappy of a fuck as Cody is, but he treasures the time he has with his girlfriend. It's nice to see the two of them interact together, even if Cody is dealing with his own internal fight of whether not whatever he feels for Noel is real or if it's just a sham brought on by their close physical confines. 

"Have you texted her?" Cody asks quietly, "Does she know you're--" He gestures a hand over Noel's body, not sure how to articulate the fact that Noel's so tightly wound up. 

"Yeah," Noel murmurs, nodding a bit, "Can't really do anything for me right now, though." 

"Why not?" 

Noel blinks almost lazily before he shrugs his shoulders once more. It seems to be the only thing he can do right now, as it doesn't take much energy out of his body. "I told you, dude, it's stupid. I just get like this sometimes, okay? I'll be fine." Cody's hard pressed to believe that Noel will be fine, especially if he's so torn up about something that he won't tell Cody about. 

"Okay, dude." Cody purses his lips a bit before letting out a quiet sigh, watching as Noel slowly pulls himself up from the couch, knocking over the beer on the floor in the process. 

"Oh, fuck's sake," He murmurs and Cody waves a hand in his direction, gesturing for him to go on to--where he assumes--bed. 

"I've got it, man. Don't worry about it."

Noel shoots him a thoughtful look, one that's painted across otherwise discomfort, before he disappears toward the bunks and crawls into his through the half open curtain. He barely makes an attempt to close it, and Cody lets out a dejected sigh. He pulls himself up off the couch, making his way toward the makeshift kitchenette for paper towels to clean up the beer. 

When he passes by Noel's bunk, he pulls the rest of the curtain shut and tries to ignore the grateful noise Noel makes on the other side of the curtain. 

+

Aleena's visit gets cancelled. Postponed, more accurately, but for Noel, it seems to be the end of the world.

That's how Cody figures out exactly what has been bothering Noel for the past week. It's been a week of disgruntled sighs and only being himself when he's on stage or recording the podcast. The rest of the time, he's just this weird robotic person on the other end of the tour bus, and Cody's had enough of not knowing what the hell is happening. 

"So, she really can't come?" Cody asks over a bowl of Cheerios--they're the only thing left on the bus for breakfast, and of course he has to eat the cardboard that's supposed to help with Noel's cholesterol. Cody had poked fun at him for being the old man on the bus and Noel had just snorted, lifeless and robotic yet again.

"She had something she had to do for work," Noel murmurs as he stares at his black phone screen. He can't remember if he's even turned it on today or not, aside from when Aleena called to drop the news that she had a meeting she couldn't skip, meaning she'd had to push her trip back another week. "I can't really tell her that she has to quit her job and come visit because I need a fucking hug." 

Cody lifts his head a bit from his bowl of tasteless circles and furrows his brow, staring at Noel as he sits across from him in the other side of the small booth. "You need a hug? Is that what this is all about?" 

Noel stares blankly at Cody for a moment, a pink dusting across his cheeks as he practically shrinks beneath his best friend's gaze. " _This_?" He asks instead of owning up to what Cody is asking, trying to avoid the punchline. It was supposed to be easier, he was supposed to just have Aleena here to take care of him and hold him for a bit, and it'd sate him and set him back into his ways. At least, for a little while. 

"Yeah, you've been acting all... Lifeless." Cody hums a bit as he takes a moment to drink some of the milk from the bottom of the now cereal-less bowl. Noel makes a disgusted noise and Cody rolls his eyes, moving from the table to the small sink to set the bowl in it. He'll wash it later. "You just need a hug?" 

Discomfort spreads across Noel's still pink expression as he stares at Cody, letting out a slow breath before he shrugs his shoulders. "It's... More than that." He says, "I just... Need to touch someone for a bit. 's why I was needing Aleena to be here, she--she understands it. I've somehow managed to go six years being able to touch someone as much as I need to, and suddenly I don't see her for two weeks and my body just..." Noel sighs. "It's stupid. I told you it was stupid." 

"Dude, it's not stupid," Cody clarifies quickly, shaking his head before he purses his lips again, "Everyone needs a hug sometimes, like. Goddamn, those long hugs Kelsey gives me sometimes?" He brings his fingers together and pretends to kiss them like an Italian chef. It brings a smile to Noel's face, a small, genuine one. It's more than Cody needs at the moment, "Those are so great." 

"Yeah," Noel says, smile turning into a frown after a moment, "I just miss her." 

Cody nods understandingly; he misses Kelsey, too, but tour calls for the two of them focusing more on their career than their romantic lives. He gets a pang of want washing over him when he thinks of her, and it just reminds him that he'll have to FaceTime her later to catch up with whatever chaos she's causing at their apartment. "Well," Cody clears his throat, wrapping his arms over his chest before he brings his eyes back to Noel, "I'm no Aleena, but I can definitely give you a cuddle. No homo, of course." 

Noel laughs a bit, shaking his head before he gauges the serious expression on Cody's face that's only offset by the grin on his lips. "You'd do that? Seriously?" 

Cody shrugs before nodding, "Why not? I could go for a good cuddle, too. Plus, you're like warm as fuck and it's freezing on this bus." A thinly veiled excuse to touch Noel, but one that seems to be accepted without question. Thankfully. "C'mon, man," He kicks at Noel's shoes underneath the table before he maneuvers his way through the bunks, trying to keep quiet for the rest of the crew that's asleep before the two of them slink into the back room. 

Cody settles onto the couch first, seating himself at one end to allow Noel to pick whatever position he wants to attempt to lie in. He finally settles on squishing his body into the fetal position, shoes resting at the foot of the couch--"It's more comfortable this way!"--before resting his head on Cody's thigh. It has to be normal for Cody's mind to immediately jump to how close Noel's face is to his dick right now, he does the same thing with Kelsey, too. It's normal, right?

Letting out a slow breath, Noel attempts to relax his shoulders a bit. Cody notices just how stiff the guy is and feels a pang of sympathy; he knows the position isn't entirely comfortable for Noel either, especially with the pinched nerve in his neck, but it's the position he chose. "Do you want me to, uh," Cody clears his throat a bit, sliding one of his hands into Noel's hair and scratching his scalp a bit, immediately earning a noise of casual pleasure from Noel. "Jesus, you're like a cat," Cody laughs a bit and he can practically hear Noel roll his eyes. 

"Yeah, and people call you a raccoon." Noel snorts, "I know what I'd rather be." 

"Want some milk, kitty?" Cody croons and Noel laughs loudly, a drowsiness evident in his tone already.

"Please do not say that with my face this close to your dick, dude," Oh, good, Noel was thinking about it, too. "Just--keep doing that." Cody hums in acknowledgement and keeps working his fingers against Noel's scalp, letting the other fish his phone out of his pocket. He opens Twitter at the same time Noel murmurs, "I might fall asleep here."

"That's cool, dude," Cody replies, sparing him a glance before he turns his attention back to the app. "Do whatever you need to do."

Noel nods a bit, adjusting his head on Cody's thigh before his body begins to fall more and more slack beneath Cody's fingertips. His breathing steadies out over the course of a few long minutes, and Cody smiles a bit as Noel looks to genuinely relax--as much as he can--beneath Cody's fingers. He doesn't really keep track of how long Noel sleeps, just allows his friend to take what he needs from Cody--it's not the weirdest thing in the world, needing to have a moment of peace with your best friend.

The only disruptions that are caused include Eden slipping in the back and snapping a few photos of the two of them, Cody's hand still in Noel's hair and the other flipping off the camera as a means to tell Eden to fuck off. He gets the hint with a grin on his face and Cody rolls his eyes, adjusting himself back into the pillows settled on the small couch behind his back, and Noel makes a noise beside him before adjusting himself accordingly. It can't last forever, although Cody doesn't necessarily want to lose this position and he's sure Noel doesn't either, but as the bus rolls to a stop outside of a gas station to fuel up, Cody pats Noel's shoulder lightly. 

The man stirs beneath his hands, blinking a few times before he picks his head up and glances around, pushing himself up into a seated position beside Cody. "What time is it?" He asks, voice caught with drowsiness in a way that makes something in Cody's chest stir. 

"Like, two," Cody says after checking the time on his phone, setting it aside before he glances back to Noel, "You were out for a bit." 

"Yeah, no shit," Noel snorts before he glances down, pulling a face. Cody follows his eyes and laughs a bit, noticing the wet spot left on his gray sweatpants from--what he can only assume--Noel's mouth. "Shit, dude, sorry for drooling on you. I was out like a fuckin' baby or something." He laughs, and Cody nods a bit. 

"Yeah, you really fuckin' were." 

Noel clears his throat after a second, listening to the rest of their small crew step off the bus in hopes of grabbing something to snack on from the gas station. Once the door shuts after the last person, he smiles a bit at Cody and reaches out to pat his friend's thigh. Platonically. "Thanks for that, dude, I just--Really needed that." It's nice to see Noel mostly settled back into his skin, although the look in his eyes is still a bit far away and his shoulders still carry the same tenseness they did before falling asleep. 

"Yeah, of course," Cody smiles, reaching out to bump fists with Noel, "What are friends for?" 

"Yeah, guess you're right." Noel echoes the smile with one of his own before gesturing toward the door of the bus, "You want to grab a snack or something? I'll pay."

"Oh, fuck yeah, free snacks?" Cody practically jumps up from the seat, grabbing his glasses from where they'd been set aside on the couch before sliding into a pair of his slides. "Let's do this." 

"You don't want to put shorts on or something?" Noel asks as he pulls on a pair of his Vans, and Cody shrugs, shaking his head.

"Nah, it's not a big deal. And it's too low for it to be a cum stain or anything--that is, unless the people in this gas station think I'm packin'!" He winks before slipping off the bus, and Noel rolls his eyes, scoffing an 'Unbelievable' under his breath before he slips off the bus to follow Cody into the convenience store.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on [tumblr](http://somegshit.tumblr.com/).
> 
> title from x ambassadors.


End file.
